March 2005


Blog31 Mar 2005 09:56 pm

And I do not say that lightly.

You know that type of person you come across, especially in high school, whom everyone hates? I don’t mean the unpopular, socially awkward kid. I mean the rude, arrogant, self-centered, suspended-for-fighting kid. I mean literally the most hated girl in the school. I’ll call her… Mary.

I don’t hate her. As a rule, I don’t hate anyone. Mary is annoying, but she’s never done anything to me personally, so I’m friendly to her. But when she thinks she’s right about something (read: everything) or decides she’s the victim of some gross injustice (read: “I want the best seat in orchestra even though I’m a really inexperienced playerâ€?), I just avoid her. Tonight I discovered that this will not be an option for the four days I’ll be spending in a room with her in New York City.

Christ, but we were careful planning all this. Rooms have four people, but there’s one with three people. My friends Ran and Veronica and I specifically requested the three-person room, and were granted it. That was that, until the music department head (wonderful sweet old lady, I love her dearly, but she had to make some tough decisions to deal with this) decided to switch things around; you see, no one wants Mary in their room. Somehow she got added to our so carefully planned and approved three-person one. We didn’t want this, so we got her switched out and took another friend, Jenny, whom I’m actually closer with than the other two. It was an even better arrangement for me. The final room lists were posted, and everything was fine.

Today was the final meeting; we leave in two weeks. And there, attached to the itinerary and rules and a dozen other lists everyone received, was a new room list, with the changes bolded so that we would be sure to notice them. They’d kicked out Jenny and replaced her with Mary. Not only is this incredibly unfair to Jenny, who is now stuck in a different room with people she may or may not get along with, but it also ignores the arrangements we specially made with the department head to avoid anything like this happening. Needless to say, Ran and I (Veronica and Jenny weren’t at the meeting) talked to her about it, and she said there was a problem with the other room Mary had been in that she couldn’t discuss with us. I know exactly what she’s talking about – a while ago, Mary got into a fight with one of the girls in that room, suspensions were involved, etc. So she couldn’t be in a room with her.

But it just had to be our room, sprung on us at the last moment, of which she displaced a member. Specifically, my room. Let me explain.

I used to be closer with Ran and Veronica, but we’ve grown apart. (Refer to circumstances below – Ran is the unnamed “she.�) On the other hand, I’ve been close with Jenny for years and we’re only getting closer. Plus we spent the last music trip together, so this would be just like old times. But now, I’m stuck with Mary. Ran and Veronica have each other; they made plans long ago to share a bed too, so of course I’ll be with Mary. (My mum said she’d pay for a cot, but I worry that it would offend Mary. I’ll decide later.)

You see, as irksome as she is, there’s a bigger problem than Mary here. The problem is that I’m going to be alone. It’ll be Ran and Veronica, and then me. It’s bad enough that it just hit me today how damn much I’m going to miss Ning in NYC – there’s a banquet and a cruise and dancing – but now, to not even have Jenny? And to know I’m going to have to put up with Mary??

I know it’s not going to be absolutely horrible. I know I’ll manage, I’ll be nice to her and give in to avoid problems when she wants something. I know it’s not the worst thing that could possibly happen. But this is my senior year and my last music trip – only my second trip too, since my parents have refused to let me go since the one in grade 9 due to my mother not enjoying it and some other complicated things. It’s even the beloved department head’s last year before she retires and my school’s music department changes forever. I want this trip to be special; at the least, I want it to be fun and I want to leave with some great memories. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I just don’t want Mary to ruin this for me.

Blog31 Mar 2005 12:06 am

Ever since my fever, which was high for two days and then slowly went down, I’ve been even more absent-minded than usual. And I’m a pretty damn absent-minded person. But I’ve been forgetting a lot of things (also more than usual) and it’s starting to bug me. Physically I know I’m fine again, and I did sleep a lot last night, but my brain’s still lagging behind somewhere. It better catch up fast, I have a test tomorrow.

I missed mine and Ning’s one-month aniversary because I was sick. I felt terrible about it, and we’d both been really looking forward to it, planning to go out for dinner and be a real couple, aww cute. The day was so special too: because of February, it was exactly four weeks from our anniversary and also the correct number, 26. There’s not even a 1-in-12 chance of that happening. We went out Sunday instead, and we had a very good time, but not as special, plus I was feeling woozy (that’s a great word) so I didn’t eat too much. Nonetheless, I did get Kelsey’s cheese sticks, which rock my socks and tastebuds. :3

The school-friends situation (hinted at somewhere earlier but I didn’t feel like getting into it) is better. Not because they decided to forgive me, or their assumptions about me, whatever, but because I figured out their silly little secret. (They were placing bets on how long Ning and I would stay together.) It was one theory I’d had, and three clues from different people yesterday helped finish the puzzle enough to confirm it. I’m not offended, even though it was created out of deliberate spite and ill feelings harboured from the thing with Daniel. Frankly, given my past history of relationships, I don’t think I can really complain. I think it’s kind of funny, in that incredibly stupid highschoolish way. The intent was mean, as was the fact that she kept it from me, but I’m used to that. Some people just get their kicks that way.

I let her know today that I knew, dropped enough hints. She was surprised, and I’m sure disappointed that her little game is over. Tough. She should have told me; there was no reason not to. We had to go to class immediately, otherwise we would have talked about it. We’ll talk tomorrow. Or hey, if she doesn’t want to, that’s okay. I talked to other people afterward (the ones that were keeping it secret out of fear of hurting me, not meanness), partly to doubly confirm everything, and I’ll be continuing discussions with them tomorrow. Meanwhile, I’m happy that I know. And I freely admit, a little proud of myself. Those people can be fucking clams when they want to. Even my little drunken French girl, although I did get two very general and one more specific clue from her, out of a total of about six. But even that took a sleepover and lubrication in the form of vodka to slip past her (typically) notoriously loose lips.

Random25 Mar 2005 01:46 pm

Thank you Ren and Dae for the help with my text alignment. I’ve copied the code into a file for future reference, so that I can change it without having to bug people again. I have one more question: Can I put space to the right of my right-aligned text, so that it’s not all the way over to the side? Like the way it is now, only on the right, and maybe with a little more space, for balance.

I’ll update with some actual posts later, when I don’t feel like there’s a knife twisting in my brain. x_x

UPDATE: After very many unsuccessful fiddlings, I finally got the space-code thing to work. Thanks Ren and Dae!! ^.^

Blog24 Mar 2005 11:00 pm

[Timestamp = approx. when this was written, which happened to be with a fever of 39.5 (103)]

Jesus Christ, this week has been a nightmare. A sleepless one. But at least I can feel things now; even sickness is better than that horrible despressed numb. I’m seriously thinking about going to a doctor though… I don’t think most people get depressed the way that I do. Could be just crazy mood swings, but I’d probably feel better talking to someone about it.

Speaking of numbness… the other day I ate most of a medium pizza, five slices out of seven, and didn’t feel full. I only weigh 110 pounds — there’s something wrong with that.

All day I’ve had the most uncomfortable feeling, a sort of numb tingling, and everything aches. I can feel myself getting sicker. I came home (bio presentation went fairly well), ate soup (the only thing I’ve eaten all day, apart from a few jelly beans) and went to sleep. Half an hour later, my mother woke me up because I had to tutor — I had forgotten about it. I threw on some clothes and read with him for an hour, then went back up to bed. Glad it wasn’t math, at least, and the younger kid rather than the older one. When I slept, my dreams were really weird, and I was having a hard time separating them from reality. Plus my skin was on fire. When I woke up, nothing made sense, and I knew I was slightly delusional. (But obviously not too much or I wouldn’t be able to tell… I think.) I took my temperature and some medicine and now I’m going back to sleep.

Random24 Mar 2005 01:43 am

I can’t decide whether to be proud of my alcohol tolerance or to resent it for making inebriation more expensive. I’m sorry to say that it’s often influenced by my current boyfriend’s opinion; you know, some guys think it’s hot when a girl can handle her liquor. Of course, Ning doesn’t approve of my drinking at all, so if I was really that dependent, I’d be a teatotaller by now. That gives me some comfort… oh I am so sad. TT_TT

Random23 Mar 2005 07:34 pm

I’m trying to right-align the text (Katness) in my header. Instead, I right-aligned the entire page. x_x Will be fixed shortly.
Does anyone know how to change the alignment of JUST the title text/hyperlink in the header? I want to change it for my next image, which will come when I’m finished (most of) this work and feeling much less gloomy.

Blog23 Mar 2005 03:32 pm

Okay, so I’m not going to fail English, per se. But my current mark makes me want to jump off the nearest bridge. I know my teacher’s a witch and all, dreaded by every student, but the marks I’ve been getting on tests and assignments simply aren’t me. I’m a 90s student. I got 94 last year in English. (Granted, my teacher was an idiot and I learned absolutely nothing, but the numbers are still there.) I can’t get 70s and 60s — that’s unpossible. And it’s not like I can drop the course (even though at least three people in my class are) because it’s English, for Christ’s sake. It’s the one credit I need in my senior year to graduate; I don’t even need the other courses I have this semester, I’m just taking philosophy and bio because I want to.

The problem is, I don’t understand how she marks. That was my problem when I had her for grade 10 and it still is now. She’s unpredictable; she takes off points for the most unexpected things; she’ll praise you to your face and in writing and then give you an 80 or 75. On our last test, I got 0 on a 6-mark question — on a 25-mark test — because I misunderstood what “ways of developing an argument” she was asking for. No one I talked to (meaning any of the smart or moderately so people in the class) got any marks for stating the thesis because she didn’t specify in the question that it had to be in our own words. The general rule with writing is that quoting is good, proof is good, and your own opinion is weak unless you back it up with, surprise, proof. So we all quoted the author — I used partly my own words plus a quote. No good. Not even part-marks.

I just don’t know what to do now. Beg for an extra-credit assignment that I won’t have time to do because she’s piling on projects like there’s no tomorrow, or else an infinite number of tomorrows during which to somehow complete the work? I guess it’s worth a shot.

Blog22 Mar 2005 02:21 pm

I’m at school right now trying to rewrite the part of my philosophy paper that the networked computer frickin deleted yesterday, unrecoverably. Last night while I was trying to remember what I’d written, I couldn’t recall a single word, probably because of the 2 hours of sleep I’ve been getting each night. That frustration, on top of the other things I haven’t written about, just broke me… I couldn’t stand to look at the paper with its pathetic half-phrases floating in the empty space where three paragraphs used to be. This paper’s worth about 8% of my final mark, and I just couldn’t work on it. I’m almost lucky that I had to spend all last night preparing for today’s English presentation, so that I didn’t have to think about that goddamned God paper.

Now I’m working on it again, because I have no choice. It’s depressing me like hell but it has to get written.

Blog21 Mar 2005 03:20 am

When I said I’d write more, I meant that sometime after I’m not ready to shoot myself over these stupid assigments, I’d come and rant for a while. That time has not yet arrived.

Random20 Mar 2005 01:33 am

Know what I hate? Non-alcoholic beer. The same rancid taste without the stuff that makes you gradually immune to the rancid taste.

Know what I love? Accelerating into an energy barrier and losing a race. Except that it’s painful and humiliating and costs me mucho units. =_= …I don’t think that sarcasm worked out the way I intended. I don’t love anything. Things suck. I’m going to bed. x_x

Random19 Mar 2005 09:40 pm

My mother just said that. To her flowers. I laughed.

I promise to write more later. There’s a bunch of things I want to get off my chest.

Blog19 Mar 2005 09:33 pm

Woot for non-awkwardness. ^_^ I was just over at Daniel’s house tonight to work on our bio presentation for Thursday (haha, non-procrastination so that I don’t die multiple times over! ^^;) and it went quite well. Especially since I learned last night at Emilie’s that he actually did care about me after formal. Yeesh, high school is so stupid-complicated. If only people would say what they goddamn mean. Sorry… I’m a little upset about some other things I learned last night from my slightly-drunken friend regarding people’s opinions of me who don’t bother to talk to me about them anymore. -le sigh-

My mom’s bugging me for the computer, so it’s time to go smite some DomZ and put off doing work for a precious little while longer. Smite them I say! Smite them good! (50 points for the reference… c’mon, let’s go fishing!)

Blog18 Mar 2005 05:03 pm

I got Photoshop last night! XDDD Thank you computer-savvy almost-brother-in-law. Today I cropped some pretty avatars (Micah and Helen! ^.^) and made a couple topper images to try out here. I think I did it right this time… how long does it take for it to show up??

Blog17 Mar 2005 02:37 pm

Kiss me I’m Irish. XP
It’s also my sister’s birthday, she’s 22 now. Très old!

Edit: Hey, I have 17 entries as of this one! ^.^

Random17 Mar 2005 02:12 pm

I broke my header T.T Can someone help me fix it?

I took Daemon’s suggestion and replaced the img/header.jpg of “#fff url(’img/header.jpg’) no-repeat top” with a different picture’s url. Nothing happened right away so I tinkered with some other things. When nothing happened again, I changed them all back, but I think I may have missed something, ’cause it’s all white now, and as angelic as the page looks, I’d like to fix the broken code and maybe put a nice topper up there later.
Oh… I’m a failure T.T

Blog17 Mar 2005 01:27 am

There will always be something weird about getting friendly with my ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend. I feel like I have an ulterior motive when there’s no way I do… it’s long over between us now. Oh, he and I had such a tormented relationship, and the worst timing in the world; I’ve never fallen as hard for anyone as I have for him, and he had a girlfriend at the time, and we knew it was wrong, but… wow this is incredibly rambly and certainly nonsensical to anyone who didn’t know me during that crazy time four years ago. I was a bitch about it, blamed him for everything and told him so. Sure he did wrong and he hurt me, but he didn’t deserve my unforgiving wrath. I only wish I could apologize and tell him I was wrong too, but now it would be dredging up the deep past after it’s settled over the years.

If I’m totally honest with myself… despite how much I’ve changed since then, I don’t know if I ever completely got over him. First love, you know what they say… *sigh*

Blog16 Mar 2005 12:01 am

Feeling kinda sad. My legs are sore from 15 minutes of laser tag yesterday. How sad is that? T.T

Got two more reviews of Lost Time today. I really need to update, but it’s like I’m stuck behind a giant wall of something — ignorance, fear? This chapter is like a baby that just ain’t comin’ out.

…Ew, did I just say that? Sorry… I’m gonna go throw up now. o_O

Blog15 Mar 2005 12:15 am

Today is Male Valentine’s Day, a.k.a. Steak & Blow Job Day, which I think is interesting. It’s also Pi Day, which I think is vaguely pathetic…

Went to see Rent with Ning a few hours ago. It was amazing. I laughed, I cried… it moved me, Bob. I’m getting the soundtrack ASAP and I really want to see it again. Too bad it only came to my crummy little city for one night… I’d go see it in New York on the music trip this April, but I missed the signup list. T.T

Everyone should go see Rent. That means YOU. O_O

Blog15 Mar 2005 12:10 am

I’m behind in my posting; this is a draft.

It turns out I was wrong in my last post: Things could get better. I got Beyond Good & Evil Sunday!! XDD I haven’t played it much yet but it’s quite fun so far. My nephew keeps stealing my consoles without telling me, grr… I swear he’s played more BG&E than I have already. I yelled at him for potentially messing up my PS2 — he’s already fried my GC mem card once before — and he pouted and said that I was “too strict” with my games. Meanwhile he’s on my GC or else playing RuneScape aaaalllll day. >_< But we did get out to play Laser Tag today, which was fun, even though our team consisted of me, him, my 9-year-old niece, and a bunch of little girls who kept shooting us. The good, older, hot (so sue me, I like prettiness) people were on other teams, of course. But we came in second place, and it was fun anyway, so nobody cares. ^^

Blog11 Mar 2005 11:16 pm

W o w.
I feel like heaven, or drugs. This has been one of the best nights of my life. I came home from a fantastic time with Ning (you don’t want details) to find nothing less than chocolate cake almost ready to be frosted. I did the honours, with peanut butter icing. Then I played Splinter Cell for a bit until I got stuck, resisted using a walkthrough, and came here. And it’s fricking March Break. The only way things could be better is if I didn’t have a bunch of assignments to finish over the next week. But I’ll think about those tomorrow. XD

Blog10 Mar 2005 11:52 pm

I was feeling bold tonight and, after telling her about Ning (<– my boyfriend, have I mentioned his name yet?) yesterday, I decided to tell my mother about the guys I dated behind her back in high school. Well, it’s not my fault she didn’t let me date until I was 16, and I didn’t do anything stupid, so I don’t see why it would even matter.

It turns out it doesn’t even matter. I was astonished. My mother, the born-again former hippie, the one who doesn’t let us watch PG-13 movies, who finds the word “crap” offensive, who thinks all couples should have a hands-off policy for the first year or two, didn’t care. She said that my oldest sister, the one holding BG&E for me, explained to her before about the younger generation’s different idea of what “dating” means, so I assume that loosened her up somewhat.

So I told her about them, all of them, the ones she half-knew about and the ones she had no clue existed. I want her to know that I can handle more than she thinks. She says she’s “okay” with me dating Ning, which is better than flat-out disapproval, even though I know that wouldn’t affect my decisions. Now if only I could get my Baka to understand…

She said she was glad I felt comfortable enough to tell her stuff. That’s a good thing, yes? Of course there will always be things that remain with me forever and ever. There are things mothers do not want to know about, trust or no trust.

Blog10 Mar 2005 04:23 pm

Have I really not posted since Monday?? Wow… I’ve been busier than I thought. (I took your advice and didn’t respond to your comment, Zero. ^^) Well my tests and assignments are all in and as of today, all tests have been taken. I’m glad the bio wasn’t too hard because I didn’t actually study as much as I should have… what can I say, boyfriends are distracting, heh heh.
It feels like Friday today because I have no work to do tonight or tomorrow, and then it will officially be March break, woo! Yeah, there’s stuff due after the break, but that’s gloriously far away.

Finished watching a trippy movie in philosophy today, Waking Life. It wasn’t really that psychotic, just a little too nonsensical… we tried out the director’s commentary but they just talked about hair and the 70s and other random stuff. We have an evaluation thingy due the first Monday after March break (teh cruel!) and no one has the slightest clue what to do. Our teacher left at the beginning of class to catch a plane to Paris.
There are times when philosophy is not fun.

Blog07 Mar 2005 09:09 pm

Philosophy seminar went pretty well. I bought too many Hershey’s kisses though, anyone want some? ^^ They were a bribe to encourage discussion. They also helped lighten the heavy “this is a discussion about God” mood.
Got my 16-year tetanus shot today. >_< It wasn’t so bad, but my arm’s kinda sore now and I can’t lift my monstrous overstuffed schoolbag.
Not much else to say… trying to write a now-overdue essay about pride… miss my boyfriend… still have a shit ton of bio to do. And I’m sooo close to BG&E; it’s an hour away from me at my sister’s house, where it was accidentally shipped from eBay. I can almost taste the adventure. XD
This Beyond Good and Evil business can’t be just a coincidence… it’s a sign! Of… something… Philosophy coming to video games. Games taking over the world. Man that would be fun…

Random07 Mar 2005 03:51 am

Don’t tell anyone, but they’re putting something in the cafeteria food to make us paranoid.
-Adam King of “Philosophy Bites�

I found this funny. Quite possibly because I’m sleep-deprived.
And it has nothing to do with philosophy.

Voltaire is a treasure trove of random quotes:
“An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.”
“Anything too stupid to be said is sung.”
“I hate women because they always know where things are.”

Blog06 Mar 2005 07:53 pm

My 70-minute philosophy seminar is tomorrow and I can’t get hold of my partner to finish it and my stupid parents won’t shut the hell up and get a divorce already so I get to listen to them yelling every fricking day, and I have an essay due tomorrow that I’ve barely started and a truckload of bio stuff that I don’t understand due Tuesday, plus a presentation that I’ve forgotten the date for… kind of freaking out… going to explode now…

Blog05 Mar 2005 11:46 pm

Oh Gawd. Watched Sweet Home Alabama and can’t get bloody Southern drawl out of my head. It’s in my blood. Why does that accent have to stick so much?? Why can’t I pick up my British relatives’ charming inflections instead? Nooo, I have to listen to my mother’s pure-ee’s and ro-buts and mashed buhtatoes for all of my tender developing years. And now it hides, dormant, just below the surface, waiting for me to let down my guard so that it can crawl miserably out of my mouth like… like slimy locusts. oO Yeah I’m all out of metaphors for today. Blame it on attempts to continue fanfiction. < shakes fist weakly at Ren >

Blog05 Mar 2005 06:14 pm

Saw my boyfriend again last night for the first time in a week, yay! ^.^ We watched The Terminal, his pick, and it was very good. Yes the construction was unrealistic. Yes a lot of things were unrealistic. No I do not care. It was funny and sweet and the characters were as rich as a comedy can allow.
My parents still don’t know I’m dating him. They’ll figure it out eventually; they’ll see what they want to see, and we’ll go from there.

Random05 Mar 2005 06:08 pm

This is getting freaky. That’s the third time today the number 1111 has jumped out at me — the first was the year some philosopher died, the second was the number of articles posted in the i-m forums, and now a member over at the Ubi PoP forums has cranked up her post count to exactly 1111. Normally I never notice those last two stats, which change every day anyway. This must be symbolic of something. Something

Blog03 Mar 2005 05:10 pm

I found out today that my boyfriend’s last name is pronounced differently in proper Chinese than the way I (and the rest of the Western world) have been saying it for the past three years. Okay, so I’m an ignorant white girl and probably shouldn’t be expected to know this, but it still irritates me. What can I say — I hate being wrong. Then again, no one pronounces my Croatian surname properly. Most people have never heard of Croatia.

I guess it bothers me because it’s just another cultural difference between us that we’ll have to work out in the future. Like the fact that my grandparents don’t accept anyone non-European, and don’t speak English very well.

…aaand that’s enough pissy psychoanalysis for today. I’m already in a bad mood from missing my bus, writing a crappy quiz, and spending too much money on food to console myself. I’m going to go pout in a corner now. By which I mean, write an essay and grumble about how it sucks.

Blog02 Mar 2005 05:03 pm

But I am the Princess of Canada. So bow to me, commoner!

Anyway… hi. This is my first blog, ever. Way to not jump on the bandwagon, I know.

I have nothing to say right now, other than this: I want sleep, or death, or chocolate. Whichever’s closer.